How life may have been if evolution had been different - A Squirrel's View

Well, you will never guess what happened to me today! On my way in to work this morning my human threw a shoe! I know! Can you believe it? Now I will have to take him in to the shop for repairs. What's that? You want to know what a human is? Where are you from? Anyway, a human is your basic pack animal, as everyone knows. It has four limbs and makes the most horrid noises. If you get a group of humans together it sounds like mating season at the aquarium! Well, I don't really know where they came from, originally, but we got ours at the breeders. I have to tell you, they are not cheap. They don't come with their own fur, they are not at all like us, so you have to buy them coverings or they just freeze solid in the cold weather. You have to feed them all day long it seems, and the small ones can't do anything at all. If you don't get them half grown you won't get a bit of work out of them. Many of them, I have been told, will even snap at each other if you harness them too close together. My friend Zinnia told me that two of hers actually started kicking at each other with their limbs and she had to rush them to the vet! So anyway, one of mine threw a shoe and now I will have to work overtime to pay that repair bill. It wouldn't have been so high, but when he threw it, it went through the large glass window at the food garden. I wasn't able to get a clear story as to why he threw his shoe, but I figure the vets at the shop will be able to get the story out of him. They have this strange way that they are able to communicate with them, or so they say. I don't know, it might be all just something they say to get more nuts from you, but they sure do have a way with them. What's that? Oh, I am the Executive Beautification Expert. Sounds big, I know, but basically I just go around to the different breeders and collect the human waste. Then I bring it back to here to Oak Middle and my crew disperses it to the crews who take it out and spread it. I don't know what they put in that stuff, but it sure does make the flowers grow nice and big. Since I am the Executive, they all look to me when the flowers aren't as beautiful as they should be. It really is a very demanding job, and very rewarding. Without someone to do my job, the whole chain would be broken. The pollen collectors would have no pollen, the honey makers could not make honey, and so on. Hey, now that I think of it, I should really ask for a raise! What's that? Oh, no. Humans are very expensive. Not every one can afford them. My mate and I have three of our own, and then there are the ones we need for collecting, but they are kept in the city garden. Well, we get those vets that tell us that the humans respond well to being petted, but who has the time? I don't see why they want to waste their time on research to tell us that. After all, who wants to get that close to one? They smell funny, and they are very difficult to keep clean. They are not very easy to train, either, so once you get one to learn what you want it to know you have to take good care of it. They get over heated sometimes when the weather gets warm, and then you have to take away their coverings. Then of course when the water falls they don't like to do anything. They just look up at the sky and whimper. Its always best to get the males from the breeders, I have heard. They say the females are far too much trouble. They really don't get along with each other if you put too many of them too close together. I have heard stories about how they have almost ripped each other apart! It took several vets to pull just two apart one time, or so the story goes. Yeah, so if you are thinking of getting one of your own, be sure to get a male. What's that? Oh, well, the vets know how to tell them apart. There are always vets on site at the breeders. Seems that different humans have to follow some kind of special diets and such, but you really don't want to get one that is going to cause you extra trouble. Oh, yeah, you can buy their coverings if you want to use the extra nuts, but my mate makes coverings herself. There are others who make coverings for sale. Down in Oak Top there are shops for their shoes, too, but its better to wait til you get one and have the shoes made. They tend to grow, Fast.

Humans also need strange things like  temporary car insurance,  or car insurance for foreigners. Why, it beats me.